Jolly good show mate......

Get out of office at 5

Travel in crowded trains

Arrive at Thames and search for a suitable spot

Set up your base

Look out for girls :)

Adjust the tripod settings

Ask friend to go in search for a more suitable location

Shift base again when the friend comes back excitedly informing about a spot which offers a better view

Stand in the cold

Look out for girls :)

Over 50000 people around you

Try to ignore the drunks around you

Try to dance to the music in the 1 feet space you have

Rains...ignore it

Talk insane things to kill time

Look out for girls :)

Shout everytime the announcer says something

Serious pain in the legs after doing the thing which you can call dance only if you have serious eye problems

Look out for girls :)

6 hours standing for 15 minutes of this.....

Was it worth it?.....you bet it was.....

Happy New Year!! by the way

....for the sake of grey matter

Now you know why India has major brain power. I am sure every Indian is fond of at least 2 out of the 3 listed :)

Kids can now say that they need chocolates to score better marks. No parent in this(our child should score more marks than the neighbour's, no matter what happens to child's feelings, creativity and over all development)age will deny the child's wishes.

As for adults, one more reason to do you know what, as if you you need reasons.....

And you can eat cold meats too.....

'Neeve nanna ..thaayi..thande...ouch'

My roomie got a PSP lite and along with that an UMD of Grand Theft Auto:Liberty City Stories.

I thought I'll play for a few minutes just to see how it is, but was really hooked on to it. The game is a perfect tool to vent all your frustrations and tensions you face in the real world.

You are a goon in the game and it allows you to go and hit/kick/thrash/shoot any random people in the street (including old ladies ....ha ha ha...). Actually there are missions for you to complete. But since these missions are tough and I got killed every time, I tried to complete a mission, all I do is roam the streets, picture all the real life people who can do with a good thrashing or two in my mind and then pick any person on the street and beat the s**t out of that person.

Also you can stop any vehicle(cars,vans, trucks, bikes,scooters, buses, even police cars), throw the driver out and drive away with the vehicle. Its cool..

During one such hijack, I threw a sardar(how stereotypical?) taxi driver out and was making a getaway, the FM radio (station radio del mundo) in the taxi started belting out a kannada song !!!. I was like wtf ?...When its becoming increasingly difficult to hear Kannada in namma Bengalooru ,I am sitting in my bedroom in awfully cold UK, playing a game which was created by a US company hearing a Kannada song in the game....what are the odds of that happening?...

For those with an eye for details and all those Kannadada huttu horatagaras (Kannada activists----for all you Kannada challenged people), no the song is not from any of 'Natasarvabhauma', 'Gaana Gandharva', 'Dada Saheb Phalke Prashasti Vijeta', 'Karnataka Ratna' Dr.Rajkumar annavru's films. But its the 'dance...dance...raja...dance' (here's the video) from the movie 'Dance...Raja...Dance' starring Vinod Raj...

The FM station also plays 'dum...maaro...dum' and the RJ is one Panjit Gavaskar who speak insane things. It was a surreal experience and all the while I was enjoying listening to a long forgotten song which I had loved very much when it was released (The movie was a remake of one and only Mithun prabhuji's greatest hit 'disco dancer' and the songs were a huge hit.....I remember me and my brother dancing to the songs when we were young enough to jump up and down on a bed shouting and call that a dance and get away with that without getting scolded by parents....If my memory doesn't fail me as it usually does , I also remember- during one of our I am better than Michael Jackson (yes, he was our dance idol then and only later I came to know about his love for children) dance fest- my brother falling,his head colliding with the edge of a shelf and had to get his head stitched...oh ...those were good old days...!!!)

I see I have digressed too much (this is what happens when a single song or word or a movie scene unlocks all those locked up memories and you are transported to the days of yore....here I go again !!!). Where was I ?...ah...yes...I was enjoying a Kannada song....in a taxi which I hijacked from a punju driver after kicking him....and in my joy I never saw the police car which came in front of me and collided it. The cops promptly got out of the car and pumped bullets in to me....I was killed. That ended my life on the run...

Now my only aim in the game is to get hold of all the taxis, kick the driver out and then hope that the song is played again....and yes the pleasure of hitting people which you cannot do in real life makes me feel I am in control of things for once, at least in virtual world.....unless somebody else hits me back and make me realise that virtual worlds too have jerks who can make your life miserable.....until then...is that a old lady crossing the road?....yes it is ...ok gotta go....I have a game to play....'ouch..ouch....no old lady, I was not beating you...but just helping you to cross the road (even the old ladies hit back and she does have a mean right hook)...ouch ...aaaargh'...

PS: My sincere thanks to the programmer who included the Kannada song in the game......

Mail me.....but don't damage it !!!

How is this for a convoluted contest. I can understand illegible emails.With the currnt gnrtons pnchnt to use sms lnguge evrywhr (wrn & mrtn wld be trning in thr grves), fssils lke me cnt mke out whts wrttn & undrstnd it. I really wanna know how can I send a damaged email!!!...please let me know......As for lost mails, the mail address to which the mail was to be sent demonstrated it perfectly......The mail I sent bounced.....

Looks or Bucks???

What chance do I have in light of this?. Its not just in US, the same is true in apna des too from what I have seen and heard.

I have seen a girl saying a boy who is earning a decent pay check that he is yet to settle in life. If her meaning of 'settle' has to be achieved then I'll have to spend most of my life working my a** off and when I earn the expected amount-which is deemed to be enough to try for a hand in marriage- I'll be ready to settle. Yes settle in an old age home :-)

The Mouse that Scored (squeak...squeakieee..squeak)

Here is the latest from my life. I know by reading this your life doesn't get better, your travails remain the same. But atleast after reading this you'll realise that tackling your problems and fighting your daily tensions is better than reading my creative diarrhoea....

I travel by trains here.Usually the service is good. But sometimes delays and cancellations happen. The usual reasons are equipment failure, signal problems, faulty rails etc....But today there was a new one...trains were delayed due to animals on track !! (and these goras talk about animals on Indian roads... what a gall !!!). I never knew that the animals here in UK are such a oppressed lot that they have to resort to rail rokho for the authorities to hear their demands !!!.

Now lets come to the main topic of my rambling.....

Fate works in mysterious ways indeed. I will be the first to whole heartedly agree if somebody says that I am a dumb duffer when it comes to interacting with the gentle sex(My college mates can give a testimonial for this and also I have a slam book in which every girl has written that she has not spoken to me much to write something good about me but still they did which was sweet). I have this congenital mental block which stops me from acquainting girls. But never in my dreams I had imagined that a mouse would help me to converse with a lady.

Enough of prologue...lets come to the heart of the matter (or matter of the hearts I wonder ?). There is this pretty girl who sits behind me. Yours truly was impressed by her charm, liveliness and smile. Being a perfect gentleman (there are two views about this, I say I am and everybody else say not in a million years) that I am, I could not talk to her until I am introduced to her properly. After 3 months of silence, lady fate decided to help me and sent a mouse ....

Our office is infested with mice and one particular mouse lives in the area where I sit. I had encountered this mouse earlier when I found that a chocolate bar which I had left in my shelf had grown short over the course of the night. I being what I am never saw the teeth marks until I had eaten half of the bar (then I consoled myself that the teeth marks were at the other end and the piece I had eaten had remained untouched). I also used to see this mouse making its sojourn from one table to another in broad daylight and decided that the mouse was on the payroll of my clients as I was sure unless this was an official pest designated to eat the chocolates and biscuits stored by people, there was no way it could exist in the office. The security is too tight, they won't allow people who have forgotten their ID cards in. So I thought the mouse must be a employee.

Since the mouse had eaten my namak (yes the chocolate had a little bit of salt in it), deep in its tiny heart it sympathised with my inability to converse with the above mentioned girl (hope you are still remember her and have not lost her in this 'mouse grouse'). It decided to help me and traipsed to her table....

I heard a shriek (typical scientifically proven female behaviour in the presence of mice, roaches, lizards, Gulshan Grover and Shakthi Kapoor !!). When I turned around, saw a gaggle of people trying to find the mouse, which had already made its escape and hid under my desk. There was lot of hullabaloo and I was sitting there as calmly as Buddha. The girl comes over to me and says 'There is a mouse around here' (what a wonderful first line spoken by a girl to a boy ever) and I said 'I know' (equally wonderful !). Then I proceeded to say how the mouse is eating my food, how its roaming in broad daylight and affecting my work(that's a great excuse for non performance, must remember it during my next appraisal meeting), how its haunting my dreams. In general I assasinated the mouse's character to such an extent that it now has no hopes of getting married.

We had a good conversation about how pests are bad and how they must be controlled. I whole heartedly agreed that the mouse should be apprehended, tried and sentenced to life for terrorising her. (Mr.Mouse, if you are reading this (why the title of the blog has mousian trnslation), I know I have hurt your feelings. Here was a noble mouse, who with full of musculane kindness, helped me to talk to the girl. And I was deriding it just to extend my conversation for a few minutes. I know I have betrayed you, but there is a saying in the homo sapien world which goes 'every thing's fair in ....'. I am sure you have something equivalent in your lingo)

I hope this is the start of a wonderful friendship between me and the mouse.(did you think between me and the girl?...no of course not. How can it be possible?. We cannot talk about mice all the time and apart from the mouse connection we don't have anything in common which can can help in building a friendship, unless Cupid (yes I have named the mouse Cupid..for obvious reasons) does an encore. So its bye-bye cute girl. It was good while it lasted (the conversation I mean...it was wonderful, witty, engaging and involved a lot of err....mouse).

Cupid...where art thou?. I am here professing my undying friendship to you. If you ever have a problem with hooking up with a she-mouse and require the services of a pest to terrorise the hell out of her, you know where to find one. Yes just there where you found that dairy milk bar in the shelf(I have left some more chocolates for you there as a mark of my gratitude and also removed the rat bait which was set up for you). All you have to do is just ask(I mean squeak)......

P.S: In recent times two rodents have made me smile. One is ofcourse Cupid and the other is Remy (If you haven't seen it....go watch it)

LOL or should we?

One more feather in the cap of the amazing thing which we call as 'Law and Order' in Bihar.

Whats next.....frame 3 year old for rape?.

Police departments from other states will have to work overtime to overthrow this from the top of the 'Most Incredulous cock ups'.

पुनरजन्म -----The Reincarnation !!!

After seeing OSO, had this thought. Why when we depict re-incarnation, we show that the person reincarnated is of the same gender as that of his/her previous incarnation?.

Why cannot a man be re-incarnated as a woman?. Why not of a different species altogether ?

That would open a plethora of opportunities for bollywood to explore (I too have script by the way with wonderful possibilities....Shahrukh interested??). Of course we would need different actors to play the pre and post incarnated role.

But I know method acting is the latest rage in hindi film industry and actors are keen do realistic portrayals of their onscreen characters. Here is the ultimate challenge for their commitment to art. Six packs in the first half and er.. certain other attributes post -interval if you know what I am talking about....he he he.

Anyone out there who will stand up and say I am ready to be Hari and Harini on screen and in real life too?

As for our cousins in Hollywood, what could be a better money spinner than a 'Revenge of re-incarnated cockroach'?. It has summer blockbuster written all over it.

A cockroach which was squashed by a boot reincarnates to grow up in to a muscled hunk (Arnold, Sylvester, Bruce, Rock ....are you people listening?). He then recalls his past life and goes in search for his past family, finds them and lives happily ever after with them in some body's kitchen....

No of course not...The re-incarnated cockroach searches for his killer, who is also a major threat to world peace (yes --the killer lives in White House or in the caves of Pakistan depending on the political leanings of the director), hunts him down ,thus avenging his death in previous life and also saves mankind from doom.Then he lives happily with his past family in some body's kitchen scaring the daylights out of family's girls.

There is a lot of scope for action, explosions, suspense, emotions,drama (imagine the re-incarnated cockroach's first tryst with his past family...if there is a real tear jerker of a scene, then this is the one)...in short everything which will make it the movie of the year.

I am sure it will garner Oscars for the cockroaches for best supporting roles.

Of course in India it will be dubbed in Hindi (Khatarnaak Cockroach), Tamil (Oru Cockroachiyin Diary...no wait Tamil govenment doesn't give any subsidy to tamil movies with english titles so it has to be Irratapiriya kakkalattu), Telugu (Boddinka Pratikaaramu) and in bhojpuri (Cockroachwa ka badla).

Once the DVD of the original is released, Sanjay Gupta will be inspired to adapt it and creates a masterpiece with a housefly as the protagonist lest people accuse him of making a makki ka makki copy ;-)

Well folks, how is that for originality? and who says there is a dearth of good stories for making movies. So movie makers here I am, with a half-demented brain brimming with ideas which will die with me if not immortalised on the celluloid. If that happens, producers all over the world beware !!...you will find a spider or a lizard or an ant following you all the time until I get my revenge.....ha ha ha...be afraid....be very afraid.....

Hair raising !!!

Hi People,

Its been some time since I bored you all....That's because I am bored here....
The weather is gloomy all day.....skies overcast and the temperature below 10 all the time...
Of course there is work but whoever said that work is a source of excitement and fun should get their head examined among other things.

So life is as exciting as watching golf on TV. Nothing much happening here to enthrall you guys/gals.

Diwali -visited the the Swami Narayan temple at Wembley. For all desis in London its a must. The temple is magnificent. There were videsis too in the queue for darshan. But they were there only for the fireworks display and someone had fooled them by saying the display will happen inside. They stood there with eager looks in their face and wondering how fireworks can be displayed inside(other than keeping them in boxes)(This also reminds of one time where we had set of chakras inside our living room which resulted in me burning my foot...but that's another story). The fireworks display (of course it was held outside...) was spectacular and made me home sick. I missed the smell of sulphur, the deafening sounds and the polluting smoke back home....

Played Tennis only to re-emphasis the fact that I am not young anymore to play wearing shorts in freezing cold and say its fun. The whole time I was shivering and produced some amazing spin shots thanks to my shivers. And don't ask about the body pains the next morning.Its better left unsaid.

The most important event was getting a hair cut, which I had not done for 6 months and it was a source of great joy to my roomies as they had been fed up seeing my unkempt head full of hair the first thing in the morning. On the brighter side they are not afraid of gorillas now, as they used to be earlier.

I went to a Pakistani hair dresser and while my hair was being cut, the people in the shop were discussing the one day series between India and Pak which we won. I was keeping my options open, whether to scream or to dash towards the door if they confronted me and vented their anger of loosing the series against me(I was even ready to agree that India being the hosts were wrong in winning as its against athithi dharma and why break a record of not winning a home series against Pak which has been standing for 24 years. Also you should never argue with people who use knife and scissors as tools of their profession). But they were thorough professionals and did a good job. I now look like a gorilla who recently got a hair cut.

Christmas preparations are at full swing here. The high street near my home is decorated with lights and a Christmas tree too has been installed !!.All shopping malls have come up with offers, sales and discounts to spread the festive cheer and take money from us in return. Festive cheer and happiness is now available in a mall near you...go get them before its out of stock....

Well thats it from me and if you have read this thing which I like to call creative writing (trash would be more accurate) till here then probably you are much bored than I am and don't have anything better to do....go find a better hobby....or watch paint drying on the wall...

Happy Diwali !!!

..and the award goes too......

Can you imagine this happening in India? Hope it will some day. This was taken in a public loo at a railway station

Reviled-- yes...remunerated---no

Here is something to chew about.
Apart from being cursed by the subordinates, managers don't get paid too....
No wonder they are grumpy and killjoys ... :)
My sympathies with them and sincerely hope conditions will improve in future.

Why?.... do you think this sudden show of love to the much hated, excel pushing community..Cause one day yours truly will also may become part of the same community.
There is no way I can avoid being hated by the team (its the age old custom, a manager must always be despised.Management is always wrong). But at least if I make enough money to drown that hatred in materialistic pleasures, I'll be happy..... I think....

Cultural shocks and a Royal visit

Continuing with my tradition of enlightening you people on various subjects, here is my latest gyan.

When I first landed here I thought I would be in for a cultural shock and to prepare my self I had undergone a rigorous training. I had spent hours watching Baywatch, FTV and other programmes of the decadent west,so that I am better prepared to face the onslaught on senses.

As it turned out, the training was helpful and I can proudly say that I was not affected by....oh wait a minute..let me check out that thing in red which just walked in to my office....OK where was I?....ah yes I can proudly say that I am unaffected by the various views offered by this country.

If I haven't mentioned before, let me say that the public transport system in London is very good. You have the underground, national rail, bus services.The connectivity and the schedules are so good that I sometime miss good old crowded bus stops, buses with crammed with people, foot board travel of Bangalore.

Also the train journey here makes an interesting study. You get to see people from various nations, dressed in a multitude of colours, speaking colourful languages. Also I have observed that people here do things in trains which we generally do at home back in India...Before you let your imagination run loose, let me clarify...

People eat in trains. I see people eating their meals,breakfast in trains.I dunno whether they are lazy to go home and cook food or they are in a hurry.But eating alone in front of a crowd is not something which I would like to do.

Another thing is ladies applying makeup. They do their make up in trains. From mascara,to creams,glosses, lipsticks, hair etc...they do a complete set of things, which again is not at all common in India. I am sure ladies in India would also try doing it, but the crowds in the bus and the state of our roads deter them...as the bus passes over a pot hole, the person sitting next you would end up with a face full of lipstick or powder or get poked in the eye from hair brush.

Another thing is PDA, which in India is confined to public parks and movie theatres. Its a common thing here. But sometimes, they end up displaying more than just affection.

And in one particular case, I saw a girl, first eating, then making up and finally displaying affection to her boyfriend among other things.

Well I must say I get to see many things in these journeys, which may seem strange, weird or outright offensive. But hey I was conditioned to it, thanks to our cable TV and the world wide web.

Enough of that. I had been to Windsor Castle over the weekend. Windsor castle is the oldest and largest inhabited castle in the world. The British monarchy has been living in this castle for nearly 1000 years. Even now the Queen spends her weekends here. William the Conqueror built it around AD 1070.

Its a huge castle and strategically located to ward off enemy attack. The insides are richly decorated with paintings and sculptures by famous artists from all over the world.These works of art, jewels, weaponry etc displayed here were 'acquired' by various adventurers, Officers of Her Majesty's from various colonies of the kingdom.

The word 'acquired' is a euphemism for 'looted', because basically they looted the occupied regions and sent it to the kingdom. One particular piece is a magnificent tiger head made of solid gold with precious stones for eyes and teeth. This was a part of the throne of Tipu Sultan of Mysore. When he was defeated in Srirangapatna,
the tiger head, along with many other jewels, weaponry were 'acquired' by the British.Its not just from India, but they acquired treasures from all their colonies....

There is an exquisite china collection, paintings from masters such as Leonardo da Vinci, Holbein, the royal wedding photographs and paraphernalia (Incidentally, this year is the diamond wedding anniversary of the Queen and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh. They were married on 20th November 1947).

Another important part of the Windsor castle id the St.George's chapel. The chapel was built from the 15th to 16th centuries at the castle in the Perpendicular Gothic style as an expansion and re dedication of the 13th century Chapel of St Edward the Confessor.This is also the chapel of the Order of the Garter.The Most Noble Order of the Garter is a medieval English order of chivalry or knighthood, and the pinnacle of the British honours system. Membership in it is limited to the Sovereign, the Prince of Wales and no more than twenty-four members, or Companions; men are known as Knights Companion, women as Ladies Companion.

We also witnessed the famous 'Changing of Guards' ceremony and to be honest I felt that it was nothing but a group of soldiers dressed in fancy uniforms, holding fancy weapons and do a ritual, which in these days has no real significance. The band plays various music pieces during this time and to my surprise it played th Mission Impossible tune too(I felt that if the majority crowd was Indian, they would surely have belted out a 'dholi sajaake rakhna or kajra re').....In earlier days, the ceremony was for the new guard to replace the old guards, who used to protect the monarch and the castle.


It was a very good tour. I spent my hard earned moolah to get in and see all the treasures which they looted..oops sorry 'acquired' from us in the first place. Talk about innovative marketing !!!!!.For the admission price I paid, I thought I would get to meet the Queen herself and have a propah English tea with her. But it was not to be. But seriously it was indeed informative and educational.

I also left with a consolation that I too donated some money for Queen's house :-).

Before leaving here is something to cheer about

LOL :-)

When we think that the government can't do anything funnier, trust them to come up with something like this.
No wonder Left is opposing. 'Performance' in government offices is like expecting BCCI having a transparent selection system or Karan Johar to direct a realistic, closer to life movie.

Back from Paris

The video doesn't do any justice to the original......
More to come....

Where am I ?

Where am I ? Well this is the question which came to my mind on my first day in the old blighty.

Not mention the fact that I was already half crazed by the reception I got when I landed in Heathrow after a 12 hr long flight (waiting time not included). It so happens that all who have disembarked should stand in a queue (visualise a typical queue in India for water or ration, leave out the fighting and buckets out of it, you'll get the idea).

I stood in the queue with all kinds of thoughts in my mind. I was told that the immigration officials are no nonsense people who try their might to stop you from entering UK. All sorts of documents, Work Permits, Medical Prescriptions, Medical Reports etc are checked and only if they feel that the person can withstand the lousy weather of the country without falling sick, he/she will be allowed.

With all these foreboding thoughts and concern for my luggage (which I had not seen since I checked it in Bangalore), I stood in the queue staring at other hopefuls (of course looking out for girls in tune with Indian male mentality of trying to push your utmost concerns to back of your mind by concentrating on something which gratifies you for few seconds), waiting for my turn at the chopping block..er..the immigration desk.
After about 2 hours of shuffling in the queue (where people with kids were being allowed to bypass the queue, and cursing my stupidity for not getting married), I reached the desk ready with all my documents.The girl at the desk was a of Indian origin. My concern filled mind noted that the lady was cute. She was talking to her colleague at the neighbouring desk who too was Indian and good looking. Here I was waiting for all sorts of serious questions regarding my work permit, stay in UK,etc and she asked me whether I was single. Wow what a important question. Before I could decide what to answer (with my brain going overdrive to analyse the implications of the question -do they allow only singles in to UK or the other way round etc), She told that if I am single , would I mind giving an opinion about her colleague who was looking for a perfect guy (hmm...I have heard people analysing my personality many times, but I don't think they ever thought of using 'perfect' in conjunction with my name...well I thought that it took all those years and the distance from India for somebody to realise me for what I am). I replied that I am single and the girl in question was cute too. This resulted in my passport getting stamped without any questions and a cursory glance at my work permit (but she did spend some second looking at my photo in the passport and did I see a hint of blushing...well I was tired and it may or may not have happened).
So after this weird experience I then braced for the London experience the next day. I got up early in the morning and was all set to unleash my self on London. My roomie came in and asked me would I like to go to temple !!Well I thought probably it will be an auspicious start to my stay here and agreed. We boarded a double decker bus and a series of impossible narrow turns in roads lined with parked cars on either side (yes just like in India) we reached the temple. It was a typical Indian temple (only that you had to put £ in the aarti) and again it was like in Bangalore-lots of Tamilians, Telgu, Hindi, Bengali, Mallus and faint sounds of Kannada.
Our next agenda was to eat (was looking forward to London cuisine) and where did we land up?...In Saravna Bhavan Restaurant. Ate a south Indian Thali and next went shopping in a Srilankan shop which contained everything Indian(some Indian vegetables, which is very difficult to find back home).Then since it was a sunday and just to keep in line with the things I did till now, visited the Sunday market (which I do almost every sunday in Bangalore) and then headed home.
To top it all, in the evening we went to a multiplex to watch...guess what?....SIVAJI.Watching Rajni thaliva in his full glory (also Shreya which goes without saying), the fights, dances, mannerisms,comedy one question was still ringing in my mind. Where Am I?