Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Confessions of a newbie manager......

Its been so long since I wrote. And I guess you people very happy all these times. But I an back to inflict more pain on your senses.

What with the change of role making me actually work (if you can call what I do as work and as opposed to troll through websites or write blog) in office and the usual year end appraisal process (which was no different from previous ones. My views on my performance were agreed unanimously by only me and everyone who mattered thought otherwise. ), I couldn't find time to write.

There has been a significant change. A change, which will have considerable ramifications. I have become the part of 'management' now. Excel sheets, power point, emails are my daily bread and I consume them with liberal helpings of meetings and calls.

Now I tend to speak in a language which will make messrs Oxford and Cambridge to sell more of their best selling paperbacks. Also my sentences are formed in such a way so that the audience completely lose track of what I am talking about, which very well makes them to think twice before coming to me with their problems next time.

I have also developed this tendency to call people in to meeting rooms and discuss things at length, even if it’s just to say 'hello' to them.

1. I am now a big fan of conference calls. Like to send meeting invites.
2. If I don't have a reason to send an invite for a meeting,
3. I just send an invite to people for a meeting to decide on topics for subsequent meetings.
4. And yeah I have started to express in bulleted points

Now a day I think that my team doesn't work at all and are whiling their time away, while am working my ass off. The whole project is surviving just due to my efforts.

Whenever somebody comes with a leave request, I tend to tell them that taking leave is tantamount to a crime. If they say that their relatives are ill, I counter with 'don’t you think I have ailing relatives, do you see me taking leaves?'

I have also started talking about good old days in my previous projects whenever someone comes up to discuss some pressing issue, I have now learnt to talk about everything else other than the issue at hand. Usually I talk about what happened when I was at onsite or my previous project. My audience is so stunned by my hot air, that they forget why they came up to me in the first place and return wordlessly.

Most of my free time is now spent with other managers. We trade war stories or try to outdo each other by highlighting all the pains (both literal and figurative ones) we have. We also compare the length and girth of our styluses (before you start imagining disgusting things, I am talking about the styluses of our touch phones) and claim superiority over the other.

By the way I bought a new phone which has so many features that I dunno what to do with and am typing this dirge on it. It has a windows OS, but surprisingly there is no control alt delete buttons on the keyboard!!.

Sorry, I digressed; the nub of the matter is that I have changed. Am not the genial harmless idiot whom you all knew and loved (ok I am stretching a bit here-call it artistic license). Now am an idiot with powers to inflict misery on others. You people should bow before me and be afraid, be very afraid……


Smini said...

Congrats to Ravi Kiran, The Manager.

Ravi Kiran said...

@Smini... surely you are kidding right?.....